temperature control

things are only enlarged, when your mind's in charge
remnants forgotten before, now the central force of all my thoughts
previous conversations, observations, slow proliferations
now lack the proper arbitration
for correct placement

i can't help it
i just like
you so much
this has happened before-
horrid feelings so rampant and on a roll
intrusively familiar
like a leech on my body
sucking reason right out
only that leech is me,
giving away power for less than free
to the most undeserving of all people it could be

and so i'm
ditched right here
on the side of the street
disposed
with the most unpredictable heed
denial dominates all other motives you might attempt to feed
defunct
is this now rotting apple through which i carve my name,
once full of luster and sheen

i keep searching for something to reveal
that its all a charade, its all leading to something with meaning
digging like a tireless mule
for a diamond in your soul
which doesn't exist
i pop out of of every train track with fragments
that don't connect

so the morning after
drenched up to my knees from waiting for a sleazy cab
i settle under hot water
like a smouldering rain, encompassing me
spleen obscene, thoughts unshakable in blinding beams
no place for evasion
for what feels like an eon, until i can hardly feel where my skin ends, half evaporated
i try
to delouse myself
this mindless act
so physically intact, except my hearts wrapped, around your wet finger
the feels linger, on and on and on
i'm addicted to the rush
the regret is just a side effect